Yesterday morning, at 7:14AM, my pump began emitting wierd sounds; sounds akin to what you might expect to come from the top of a police car! Woke my butt up! My pump had run out of 5FU. I turned it off, called the Chemo Oncologist, reported this and arranged to go in very shortly after my radiation appointment.
When I got there, they removed the pump and, after flushing my port and resticking me (not the most pleasant experience) they checked my blood results. Seems several things are low, but it was my Platelet Count that was quite low and so my Doctor elected to "Stop" the Chemo and have me come back on Friday and redo my blood. Hopefully, my body, in the absence of the chemo, will have regenerated enough platelets to bring my count up to "acceptable" levels and then I can continue with my 4 Hour Regime this coming Monday, September 10, and continue to be "on track" time-table wise!
However, if not, So Be It! I realize now it's all in Divine Timing and Order anyway!
Interesting, but there's a growing sense within me, as relates to my "Medical Oddessy", which is very reminiscent of how I felt in the aftermath of my Beloved Wife Karen's death. At the time, (September 8, 2000) I recall responding to the universal question: "How're you doing, Vic?" in the following manner: I'd say, "You know, I fully well know that, down the road, I'm going to be absolutely fine! As to "How", or "When" this will happen, well, I realy don't have any clue!"
As I said, I feel the exactly the same as relates to my current situation!
And, this brings to mind the story that my dear friend and former Minister of the Unity Church in Dunwoody, GA., Jane Waddington, shared with me when I met with her shortly after Karen's death. I shared the above sentiment with her and she proceeded to tell me this story which I later turned into a song called "Just The Next Step, Please"...
There are a group of Monks who are indigenous to a particular mountain in Tibet. Totally familiar with every inch of the rugged terrain, as not only were they born in the area but, as part of their Spiritual practice, they also traverse the mountain trails on a daily basis as well. One evening at midnight, as a rather powerful thunderstorm approaches, they come upon a stranger sitting on the mountaintop huddled into a ball, and sobbing inconsolably. Next to him is a Lantern which casts out a solitary beam of light whose arc extends out only 3 feet.
The Monks stop and enquire as to why he is so dissconsolate. He replies: I'm not familiar with this area and I'm lost! A storm is approaching... It's midnight and I have this lantern which emits but a small beam of light only three feet in distance! I'm afraid I'll never find my way off this mountain!...
The Monks reply: "My Son, Stop your crying! You have all you need! Your Lantern will allow you to see one step in front of you--that's ALL YOU NEED TO SEE as, once you take that step, the next step will present itself and will be made visible. Thus you will find your way off this Mountain and return home safely!...
So then, my work remains... to stay in the only place there ever is, anyway... right "Now" in "This Present Moment" and simply pay attention as whatever is needed is presented before me and brought into view!
Here are the words to the song's chorous:
"Just the Next Step Please"
Oh Lord up in Heaven and on Earth
Wont you Hear my Song,
I'm asking for the Wisdom & the Strength
To keep a Carryin' On,
Oh Lord, Hear the Prayer in my Heart
As I Fall to my Knees,
Won't you Show me the Way,
Just the Next Step, Please.
That's all I need,
Is Just the Next Step please...
You're all I need...
And
Just the Next Step Please!
Okey Dokey, Gotta run now... Be back later!
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