Well, I must confess I'm a bit "at sea" here as I really don't have anything specific to write about. My life is progressing apace and for this I am truly grateful. Yesterday, I actually walked around my block (I live on a "circle") twice--not in a row, but twice nevertheless, AND... the best measure of progress is that prior to yesterday, I couldn't even make it to the mailbox (about a hundred yards, the last 20-30 of which is slightly uphill) without having to stop and rest and catch my breath. Well yesterday, I actually walked past the mailbox and made it an additionl 20-30 uphill yards to the 'stop' sign where I then obeyed the sign and stopped and rested and caught my breath. Once my breathing is semi-back to "normal" I then walked the entire remaining way to my starting point at my home. In perspective, it's slightly less than a quarter of a mile and about half of it is uphill. Oh well... "One Step At A Time"... (Groan!)...

Yesterday was Valentine's day. I got my fiance couple dozen roses (red and lavender); a necklace with a lttle Pearl inside a heart I picked up at Costco and a box of double dark chocolate fudge! You bet I earned points!!!... Diane was up in Danberry (Sp?) Connecticut making a presentation during the day and didn't get back to my place until about 9:40 PM. Next Valentine's day we'll plan to both be in town and celebrate it with dinner, etc. but as for this one, it was very Sweet nonetheless. I believe in my last posting I mentioned that as far as I'm concerned, each second is "Grace"... Pure Grace and that I now attempt (when I remember) to live in a "Proactive State of Gratitude"! Thus, as far as my perceptions of this past (present/yesterday) St. Valentine's Day goes, it was all Love Love Love and extremely pleasant and enjoyable!...

Oh, a "big" one... yesterday, I found myself near my former/presen't place of work around Technology Park in Atlanta. While I told myself that I'd wait until I was feeling stronger to go and visit, I nevertheless drove there and went in. I remained on a "Love - Level" and met with my Managers, Director of Sales, and as many of the insided sales force as I could see. When I left, it was with a mixture of feelings--part elation and part exhaustion! Man! Just standing there physically for over two hours and saying hi to people really cut into my "energy" department, big time. (I guess my surgeon knew what he was talking about after all when he said that it'd take a good 6 months for me to "feel like myself again", energywise!) Anyway, I really was struck with a profound sense of "Love" is the only way I can describe it, by seeing everyone and "fielding" all their good wishes, etc. There really is no way for me to describe just how much everyone's prayers --continued prayers--meant and continues to mean to me! I so deeply appreciate the effort and thought, not to mention "time", on everyone's behalf. I truly am very, very Blessed! One interesting observation: "everyone likes to smack you!!!" Really! it's funny, and perhaps it a "guy thing", but this past weekend I went to Costco's and the guy--Jerry--who checks you out once you're finished shopping, spotted me, and, out of sheer joy, came running over to me. After we hugged, he proceeded to 'almost punch"me in the side, right where my scar is. I saw stars and, felt a great deal of momentary pain! Actually, as I reflect on it, it's really just a form of "love-tap" or a "pat" on the back--only in this case it seriously was delivered like a hammer in heat! And, right on the spot where the surgery was. (When I look in the mirror, the incision is on my right side and goes in an arc, beginning at a spot about 3 -4 inches below my armpit and it then continues its sinuous journer curving upward till it stops about and inch below my right scapula (shoulder-blade) I'd say it's about 6-7 inches in length. Anyway, however long or short it might be or no matter what the shape is, all I've come to find out--the "hard way"-- is that "X marks the spot because it's exactly at the center of where everyone very naturually wants to hug and pat me!!! I'm reminded of this because yesterday when I went to work, thank God I was "present" enough to remember to forewarn everybody to please be "gentle" in greeting me! :-)

I was there visiting my Manager, in his office, for no longer than 2 minutes when issues presented themselves requiring him to decide on the best way (and what's right and fair) to handle yet one more "call-in gone awry"... Somehow it felt as if I'd never left the place. (God but I love the "smell of Napalm in the morning"). All in all, it was really wonderful for me to see everybody. Like I said, my consciousness was firmly locked into a "Love Plain"...

Oh well, that be about it right now. At present, I'm sitting outside in Victorville (i.e., my backyard, appropriately named by Jason Hughes) and am thoroughly enjoying the afternoon. I especially enjoy the wide variety of birds that come by to visit as they partake of the birdfood I've put out in my feeder. Man! You should see all the different varieties! I went to Barnes & Nobles the other day and picked up a field copy of "Georgia Birds". Incredible pictures, which is catalogued according to "color"--i.e., all the "black" colored birds, the yellow ones, etc., etc. In the brief space and time that I've been sitting here, I've seen no less than a couple of bluebirds, (it's amazing how orange their breast is) a couple of doves, assorted and sundry finches, cardinals and my "new" favorite, the irridescent "Grackles". This bird's really got it going as far as I'm concerned! They resemble "crows" but their heads and beginnings of their breasts and wings are either blue-ish or purple or--Oh yeah , I even saw a red winged blackbird come by for some of my hotmeats. I got sick and tired of the squirrels (Nature's "Pigs") hogging up the bird feeder and eating all the feed, so I went out and bought this "hotmeat" feed. Evidently, the birds love it but the squirrel find it too "hot" on their digestive system. Cool, huh? Anyway, all I can say is that the number and variety of birds have drastically increased since I got this new birdfood, and I believe the reason is that now they can all have "Spicey food" at Victorville.

That's all I've got to comment on at the moment. Oh yeah, in an effort to make this experience, perhaps a bit more "interactive", while few of you have actually posted comments, perhaps I could suggest that if you're reluctant to share your own thoughts and views (in the form of comments) that you might want to simply write and give me some suggestions as to what subjects you might like me to address in my own future postings. I'd really enjoy that and promise to at least be extremely "honest" in my responses! That, coupled with my often warped sense of humor might make it fairly interesting from this point going forward.

Take Care and KMLAAY (Keep My Love All Around You)

Victor

P.S. My hair has now grown in, and while it's still the same salt n pepper color, it's now definitely "curley" in the back!!! This is new and all I can say is that I'm glad I can only "feel" it and now see it!

Nearing "Normalcy"...

It has been said by the sage that we often appreciate what it is that we "have" only after we discover that, for whatever reasons that be, we no longer have it/them! Another way of phrasing this is that we take whatever it is we have so much "for granted" that the only way we "notice" them, is usually only after we've lost what it is we've been taking for granted!

Once, several years ago, after having my back "go out" and experiencing difficulty in the simple act of tying my shoelaces, was I able to note and then articulate what a blessing it was to be able to simply lean over and tie my shoes! It's so intrinsically ingrained, that we do (shame on us) take these so called "givens" entirely for granted, almost as if we're "entitled" to these powers and abilities.

Well, once you've fallen through the mirror, as have I, and come out on the other side, believe me, I now appreciate with a renewed sense of gratitude, actually each and every second of my life and certainly all that comes along with it in a host of powers and abilities--i.e., what it is I can and cannot "do"...

How about the simple act of Breathing, for example: I now, almost consciously, appreciate each unlabored breath that comes and goes of its own accord...

Today, Monday, February4, I stand before my wall calendar in the kitchen, the one I use to reflect all my various and sundry Doctor's appointments, hopital and lab procedures, scans, and medical followups, etc. For the past several --i.e., 5 months or so--my calendars have been nearly filled with multiple appointments, often 2 to 3 per day in some cases. Now, something quite unusual looms ahead of me. I note, with a growing smile on my "soul", that I have no Dr's appointments, until one week from this coming Wednesday! That's about 10 days of "freedom" or not "having' to be somewhere for something medically related. Wow! What a miracle! I smile as the thought begins to crystalize within, "Hey! I'm approaching "Normalcy"!" My! But Oh My, My!!!

Another example: Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday and, in an effort to be somewhat prepared for a small amount of company coming by to watch the game with me, I had my daugher drive me to Costco's on the Saturday prior to the game. Guess what! I actually sampled everything in sight!!! That's right! Pizza! Wings! Ham! Whatever it was they were dishing out, I was inputting left and right! Another demonstrative example of approaching "Normalcy"... Bigtime! I mean, not bad for a guy who, until this past Monday, January 14 had been on a clear liquid diet only! I LOVE It!!!

And it's not so much what it is that I "notice" so much as what it is that I realize I "have".... Literally, each and every blessed second of my life is yet one more measure of Grace... a tiny and precious grain of sand in the hourglass of God's Pure Love and Gifts! All this has created within me, a pronounced attitudinal change to one of almost "active" gratitude! Instead of realizing I'm grateful for thus and such, after seeing or experiencing an example, I now proactively like to reflect on everything I have and all that I am. This is a wonderful way to begin the day or to complete it! Either way it's all the same coin, whichever side you happen to be on.

So then, Thank You My Lord and God, Provider of all abundance, Love and Blessings...Thank You for all Your exquisite Protection and Guidance. Thank You for Your gifts, including the "unanswered" ones; Thank You for my growing Wisdom, thankYou for my dawning Appreciation and Gratitude. And today, espcially, I pause, reflect, and then offer You my praise for simply showing me signs of my approaching Normalcy!!!...

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You Soooooooooooooo Much For Everything!

I am reminded of the following quote from a little book called "Gentle Rain" I used to read to my children:

"Every Good Gift, and Every Pefect Gift is from Above and Cometh Down from the Father of Lights! Behold! There shall be Showers of Blessings!"